Robin Zander

What Should You Study Next?

When I am asked today about my movement practice, typically while I’m doing handstands in the park, I just say “circus acrobat.”

The truth, though, is more complex – ever since I dropped out of cross country in high school, I have practiced a wide range of physical disciplines ranging from surfing to swing dance, Brazilian jiu jitsu to classical ballet.

One coach I met along the way (incidentally, while doing handstands in the park) was Johnny Sapinoso, who offered me words I now apply well beyond my daily movement practice.

When asked how he structured his daily practice, Johnny advised:

“Follow the thread of your interest.”

There is more to learn than any of us can complete in a lifetime. Whether it’s a movement practice or a professional skill like sales, part of the joy of learning is that the learning never ends. But one result of these never ending possibilities is that the decision of where to focus next can be crippling.

In my business, I’ve recently been applying this mindset to sales and persuasion. My company Zander Media’s historical close rate is greater than 90%, but in the last three months for 2022, we were rejected by more than two dozen clients. Understandably, I was feeling really down about sales!

This business necessity has fueled my desire to re-evaluate and improve my ability to sell. Where I could be feeling overwhelmed by the sheer amount of sales advice and strategy that exists out in the world, I instead heard Johnny’s words and connected to my curiosity to learn and solve this problem.

Follow the Thread of Your Interest

Know your “why” – Know why you are pursuing a discipline of study. Without a clear understanding of your purpose, it is much more difficult to stay engaged. Sales was something that I needed to improve in order to keep Zander Media going during a difficult economic time. Even more so, though, the ability to sell will help me in the future, and provides a fascinating glimpse into human psychology.

Study around a theme – Choose your theme. If you are trying to learn too many different disciplines in the same period, you probably won’t have enough time or focus to learn any of them well. When you are trying to decide what book to read next, what movie to watch, or who to interview, explore in more detail what was most interesting to you about the subject you’ve just been exploring.

Flexible Goals – Life is too unpredictable to commit to hard-and-fast curriculum or outcomes. If I get out of bed with a sore shoulder, I shouldn’t do handstands that day. That said, if my plan was to do handstands, I’ll still go to the gym and explore what’s possible given this unexpected limitation. Maintaining flexible goals gives you the ability to adapt to a changing learning environment.

Relevant Inputs – When I’m trying to learn something new (for example, to develop better habits around sales and persuasion), I surround myself with that subject matter in both my work time and my personal time. I don’t set out my curriculum entirely in advance. Instead, I surround myself with books, podcasts, and email newsletters that help me keep thinking about the topics, actively and passively.

Structure Your Time – I find it helpful to pick between one and three disciplines, and shift focus between them when I feel overwhelmed or uninspired. Every four to six weeks, I re-evaluate and consider which, if any of these disciplines I want to swap for something different.

I carve out between 30 and 90 minutes each day to read or otherwise learn about the subject, and I also make a point to deliberately digest that information. (I suggest journaling about the subject in the early morning or just before bed.)

Enjoy the Process – if you don’t enjoy the process of learning, you won’t stick with it. That doesn’t mean every moment is pleasurable, but look for some joy in the process. My favorite technique is to deliberately celebrate as a way to reinforce your desired behaviors.

If you’re reading Evolve, then chances are you have areas you’re interested in growing and learning. By deciding on a subject matter and then “following the thread of your interest” for a specific period, learning becomes much more deliberate and you can avoid the pitfalls of information overload and sputtering enthusiasm.

Let me know how it goes!

The Unexpected Benefits of Celebration

Special Announcement!

My book Responsive: What It Takes To Create a Thriving Organization is free today on Amazon! Responsive chronicles the stories of organizations from around the world that are designed to thrive amidst chaos. Today only, Responsive is free on Amazon. Get it here!

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August 2016 was a wild time for me. Three months prior, with no experience and little idea what I was getting myself into, I opened Robin’s Cafe. We were just figuring out how to operate the restaurant and August was our busiest month so far.

I also was just one month out from hosting Responsive Conference, my first convening about the future of work.

But one thing stands out from that time more than any other: a phone call to my father at the end of each day to report on the numbers. While so much of sales is dominated by aggression and pressure, the call with my father developed into a sweet habit. “We sold two tickets to Responsive!” I’d report, or “Today, we broke $10,000 at the restaurant for the first time!” During one of the most stressful months of my life, those short phone calls are a reason I came to love selling and the thing I remember the most.

Knowing now what I do about behavior change, it makes sense that those celebratory phone calls made a difference. Celebration, as it happens, is a secret trick for forming new habits quickly and easily.

Emotions create habits

Here’s how it works: when we have a pleasurable experience, dopamine is released in the brain. Over time, we learn to repeat that behavior for the resulting dopamine hit.

We tend to think that emotions occur as a result of a behavior. I do something successfully and then feel good as a result. Behavior -> dopamine.

But actually this pattern works in reverse, too. I can deliberately decide to feel good and that good feeling triggers dopamine, which reinforces the behavior. Dopamine -> behavior.

This reversal of the typical f behavior -> dopamine pattern opens up a hack for reinforcing desired behaviors quickly and easily. By cultivating a feeling of success and confidence (in other words, by celebrating), we manufacture an internal state in which we’re more likely to repeat a new behavior and turn it into a habit.

Learn to Celebrate

Celebration can take many forms.

When I get out of my 39 degree cold plunge, I scream like The Hulk. At other times, I just say “yes” to myself in the mirror, pump my fist, or tell myself I’ve done a good job. During that memorable month in August 2016, I phoned my father to celebrate the day’s numbers.

The key is to feel good about ourselves, intentionally, for a few moments.

Celebrate Together

Celebrating with another person is an easy path towards solidifying habits. I can’t say for sure that Robin’s Cafe and Responsive Conference wouldn’t have been a success without those nightly celebratory calls with my dad, but I do know those phone calls ingrained my sales habit, which contributed to the success of those businesses.

One of my favorite practices is the “What went well” exercise, coined by the founder of positive psychology Martin Seligman in his book Flourish. Phone a friend and celebrate one thing that’s gone well today. That simple act of celebrating changes your state and reinforces the celebrated behavior.

Practice Celebrating

One additional trick to use celebration to create a dopamine pathway and thus to cultivate new habits is to practice, multiple times and in quick iteration the new behavior we want and to celebrate the behavior each time.

For instance, one habit I’m cultivating is taking a supplement called Glycemic Health after every meal. I can celebrate, explicitly, whenever I take Glycemic Health after a meal, but I can also open the bottle of Glycemic Health and celebrate, close the bottle, put it away, then come back mere moments later and repeat this behavior and the celebration.

Doing this 10 times in a row will give me a lot of practice celebrating this new behavior (I.e. opening my bottle of Glycemic Health), which will then encode the sensation of feeling good with having opened the bottle. As a result, I’m much more likely to reach for the supplement.

Looking back seven years later, I’m proud of all that I accomplished building Robin’s Cafe and Responsive Conference. Mostly, though, what I remember is the good feeling I manufactured through celebrating each evening with my father. Amidst a trying time, I found solace in a nightly routine and felt good about myself, reinforced a sales habit that has served me well ever since, and strengthened my relationship with my father.

Further Reading

Tiny Habits by BJ Fogg – I’m biased because I had the chance to work closely with BJ Fogg and his behavior change lab at Stanford, but he’s written more thoughtfully about the value of celebration in habit formation than anyone else I’ve seen.

Here’s an article BJ wrote for TED.com on how to use celebration for habit formation, specifically.

Flourish by Martin Seligman – Marty Seligman is the founder of Positive Psychology, the branch of psychology dedicated to improving wellbeing. Flourish is his seminal work on happiness and wellbeing, summarizing 10 years of research into what actually works to improve the human condition.

Responsive: What It Takes To Create a Thriving Organization – From Navy SEALs in Iraq to technology giants experimenting in Silicon Valley, from the inner workings of a sex cult to how a group of anonymous activists can change politics, I wrote this book to distilled tactics from forward-thinking practitioners about building resilient organizations. And if you get it today, Responsive is free on Amazon!

How to Build a Creative Habit

The Artist’s Job

My mother is a professional artist. She has been making art, paintings and mezzotints, for more than 40 years. Every day, for my entire life, I’ve watched my mother get up, go out to her studio, and paint. That’s her work: to put brush to canvas and create.

But when I compare my own creative habits to the clockwork regularity of my mother’s practice, I realize that I’ll go to great lengths to avoid my own creative work.

A painter paints. A writer writes. An entrepreneur builds a business. That’s the job.

Start Small

I’ve been intending to write regularly since I published Responsive: What It Takes To Create a Thriving Organization. But I’ve been avoiding writing, because writing is really hard work. Creating feels risky, my inner critic is loud, and a new project can be hard to fit into my already busy days. To combat this, I started small, tiny even—writing just a few minutes every day to build up my confidence.

The process of creating, whether a cafe, YouTube channel, or new musical instrument, begins by putting one foot in front of the other. Start smaller than you currently think possible. As an old teacher of mine used to say: “Decrease your ambition.”

Trust you will eventually grow your tiny habit, but don’t set yourself up for failure by setting the bar too high. Make your creative habit so small that today’s success feels almost inevitable.

Manage the Inner Critic

One reason you aren’t starting might be, as Ira Glass explains, that you have taste. Having a strong aesthetic sense or creative vision is great. But don’t let your taste stop you from getting started. High standards make for a mean inner critic and you censor yourself before you even begin.

If you have something that you want to express, but you aren’t sure how to convey it, don’t let perfection hold you back from starting. The best way to overcome the inner critic is just to begin.

What Feels Good After?

When something is hard, that’s a sign that it might be worth doing.

I’ve been moving every day for 20 years, and there are still days that I don’t want to exercise. I never get up in the morning eager to get into my 39 degree cold plunge. Fasting for 5 days is as difficult a project as I’ve ever undertaken.

I don’t do these things because they feel good in the moment. I do them because I feel great after I’m done.

Habits, even uncomfortable ones, are an investment in your future. The feel-good results aren’t always immediate, but remembering those results will come is one way to motivate yourself to get started.

Further Reading

There has been a lot written about Creative Habits and getting unstuck. Here are a few more books to get started:

The Creative Habit by Twyla Tharp. Twyla is one of the most famous modern dance choreographers, but this book is about much more than dance. She outlines her creative process, and tactics for anyone to create, consistently, over a lifetime.

The Dip by Seth Godin. I’ve never regretted reading a book by Seth Godin, but The Dip stands out as a must-read for anyone attempting something difficult. It is important to know when to quit and when to persist, and this book shows the way.

The War of Art by Steven Pressfield. I’m a raving fan of Steven Pressfield, and I’ve given this book as a gift dozens of times. Steve coined the term “Resistance,” giving the enemy of creativity a name.

Everything is Storytelling

I’ve told the story of Robin’s Cafe – how I started it in 3 weeks and eventually sold it on Craigslist – hundreds of times. I love talking about the incredible culture we built behind the counter and the amount of learning I went through to start a restaurant But time and time again, when I mention selling a restaurant on Craigslist, I invariably get a laugh. “Craigslist?” They ask, incredulous.

Over time, I’ve iterated on this story so that I both get to share what I most care about while also setting up this great punchline. And as a result, this story never fails to kick off a great conversation.

As humans, we’re social animals and we live and die by the stories we tell each other. And yet we forget that storytelling—or if you want to sound more sophisticated, “narrative strategy”—is what shapes the work we do, why we do it, and who we work alongside.

In today’s newsletter, I thought I’d share some habits of storytelling that have helped me leverage this skill to foster more meaningful connections with every audience: from the conference stage to the board room, and even with friends and partners.

A good story fosters an emotional connection

We like to tell ourselves that we are highly rational creatures, but ultimately, a lot of our decision-making comes down to our emotions. And nothing is more emotion-laden than our relationships and connections with other humans.

I recently read Shoe Dog, by Phil Knight, about the founding story of Nike. One of the world’s most iconic brands, Nike’s marketing focuses on helping people connect, not only with the athletes Nike represents, but also with the athlete inside each of us. Nike accomplishes this by telling great stories in their advertising of athletic challenges and triumphs, instead of just marketing their newest product line. They’ve built a brand association based on connection and inspiration, and the product sales follow.

A good story matters to both you and your audience

During the COVID pandemic, I moved in with a partner, and within a couple of weeks, they were able to parrot back to me the handful of stories that, apparently, I told over and over in the course of all of my Zoom calls. The stories that come up the most frequently are the stories worth your focus because they speak strongly to you.

In addition, when I am telling a story I pay special attention to the reaction of my audience. My story about Robin’s Cafe gets a predictable chuckle whenever I mention selling the restaurant on Craigslist, and so I’ve used it to break the ice in conversations and have refined the story over time to set up this moment as the punchline. I focus my stories on what is interesting and engaging to my audience, and thus my audience is interested and engaged.

A good story takes practice

We’ve all been there at a holiday dinner table when a relative rambles on and we think, “I wish they would get to the point!” We take for granted that actors rehearse their lines before a performance and athletes run drills before playing games, but storytelling is no different. It’s a refined craft that you can get better at with time, and it especially takes practice to make your story feel natural and organic.

Taking the time to really think about your story can help you hone it in. What are the main milestones of your story, and what details do you include to move seamlessly from beginning, middle, and end? Where are there superfluous details that distract from your main point? What’s the punchline, and how do you want people to respond to it?

Until next time,
Robin

How to Extinguish Unwanted Behaviors – or Why Dog Training is Like Riding a Bike

I originally heard this quote applied to dog training in reference to using high quality treats. In a world where there are a million interesting smells, but you want to control a dog’s attention, it pays to use high quality rewards. But that same advice can be applied well beyond the context of dog training!

I have always enjoyed training dogs. Dog training is about reinforcing good habits, both for the dogs and ourselves. And I’ve found that we have a lot to learn about habits, and ourselves, from the process.

I was working with a dog recently; he is 100 pounds, and a complete love. Unfortunately, he had some traumatic experiences as a puppy and can be reactive. But this was the first time he was reactive with me: teeth bared, snapping. He alternately wanted my attention and was scared that I might hurt him.

In all fairness, he had just been to the vet and had to be sedated. The next day – still recovering – he snapped at me and wouldn’t let me pet him, as usual. I had a moment of despair: I sure as hell don’t want to interact with a reactive dog! But also, up until this incident, I’d thought of this dog as a friend. And I began thinking about how likely it is that a dog can ever be completely trained out of unwanted behaviors.

How completely, how thoroughly, can behavior really change? As I was considering this dog, I realized that changing behavior is like riding a bicycle.

When I first learned to ride a bike, I fell off hundreds of times. But in the thousands of hours I’ve logged since, I can count the number of tumbles I’ve taken, including barreling down city streets at 45 miles an hour.

And accidents do happen. We do sometimes make mistakes or revert to unwanted behaviors. It can be tempting to avoid making mistakes by removing the conditions that led to them or ceasing the activity altogether. A way to ensure I never fall off my bike again would be to never get on it in the first place. I could take the same approach with this dog. He and I could never interact, or he could stay locked in his house alone. But these aren’t viable solutions. All are based on fear, perfectionism, and a fixed mindset.

We all have unwanted behaviors and habits we want to change. But, that’s not really how learning works. Put anyone in a stressful enough situation and they can revert back to earlier patterns. I eat a lot of mint ice cream, and would like to change this behavior. Offer me mint ice cream when I’m hungry and I’ll probably eat it. Put me on my bike, on a bad road, amidst distracted drivers, and I might get into an accident.

Even if we never, for the rest of our lives, repeat a habit we’re trying to extinguish, we always have the capacity to do so.

What this means is that, instead of looking for perfection, the solution is to look for learning. When I repeat a habit I want to avoid – when this dog snaps at me when he’s scared, when I eat too much ice cream, or when I fall off my bicycle – there’s only one option: get back up and try again.

Build from where you are

Building from where you are is usually the best option, since it adds on to what we already do and increases the range of what’s possible. With this dog, that means first acknowledging that he’s reactive today, and not letting my ego get in the way. Staying frustrated, or even feeling betrayed (“We were friends yesterday!”) clouds judgment. Working with where he is today means not denying the reactive state he’s in, which in turn allows me to avoid repeating interactions that will reinforce the undesirable behaviors.

Don’t try to remove unwanted behaviors.

I have some counterintuitive advice: don’t try to remove unwanted behaviors. You may want to remove unwanted behaviors, but it is rarely that simple. Habits and behaviors can’t simply be turned off; that’s not how neuroplasticity works. Change comes by rewiring the brain and building upon what is currently possible. We crowd out undesirable behaviors by positively reinforcing desirable ones. Focus on the behaviors you want to encourage and the habits you want to cultivate.

Reinforce what you want

In interacting with a reactive dog, I want calm and gentle behavior towards me, other people, and other animals. My goal, then, is to positively reinforce the dog every time he offers me, or anyone else, the slightest bit of gentleness. Getting him to focus on treats and positive interactions is a much stronger incentive than yelling at him (and thus scaring him further).

Work around the edges

Instead of trying to repress unwanted behaviors, work around the edges of what is currently available. Take what is currently easy and try small variations. With the dog, that might mean that petting is off the table at first, and I have to begin training with a bit more distance than I’m used to. With my current addiction to mint ice cream that might be:

Trying a different flavor of ice cream (to get me out of my habitual rut)
Eating out of a bowl (because then I’ll demolish the whole pint)
Drinking water before I have ice cream (I’ve learned that I sometimes reach for ice cream when I’m thirsty)
Making a fruit smoothie instead of ice cream (it comes close to the temperature and texture that I’m seeking)

Failure isn’t failure

Progress isn’t linear. One moment of reactivity isn’t indicative of how an interaction is going to go tomorrow. When I eat too much ice cream, it often feels like I’m repeating a “bad” habit and failing to practice a “good” one. But a moment of failure is just that: one moment.

The real mistake is to consider one misstep a mark of complete failure. In times of stress we revert back to more primitive versions of ourselves. For me, that might be stress eating ice cream as a form of self-soothing. For a dog, that can mean protecting himself the best way he knows how.

Learning happens like a ball repeatedly rolling down a hill of sand. With every iteration, the grooves of the ball’s path become deeper and deeper and increase the ball’s tendency to follow a similar pattern. That doesn’t mean that the ball will sometimes roll along a different route, but the more a pattern is reinforced, the more consistent that habit will be.

My consumption of mint ice cream is something I’m working on. I eat more ice cream when I’m stressed, hungry, and it is readily available. But I’ve begun iterating on habits to change my relationship and these habits.

I’ve never trained a reactive dog before and I’m nervous! But I know that change is not only possible, but – given the right prompts, patterning, and reinforcement – it is almost inevitable.

Behavior change, however minor or significant, is the culmination of millions of small influences, moments, and habits. Regression isn’t necessarily going backwards. I’ve got nothing but excitement for all of the behavior change ahead.

Until next time,
Robin

How to Get Someone You Love To Change (Spoiler: You Can’t)

Last month, I went for a hike to celebrate my father’s 74th birthday. My father is a botanist, and it was with profound joy that I watched him meticulously bend over to identify flowers amidst the California bloom. Aside from being happy to see my father doing something he loved, I was moved because this simple habit, walking and bending down, was almost impossible for him 5 short years ago.

For most of the last two decades, my father suffered chronic back pain – the result of years of pounding concrete as a runner. It pained me to see him suffer and I desperately wanted to help him. I tried everything I could think of to get him to change his habits and improve his back pain.

Nothing I did had a lasting impact. Hard as I might try, I couldn’t “fix” him and my father would inevitably return to the habits that caused pain in the first place. Moreover, my judgments and pressure created a wedge between us.

Then, after decades of worsening pain, my father underwent back surgery, which resolved the back pain.

Early in his recovery, I lent him my Concept 2 Rower and a few free weights. I’d recently taken up rowing, and built out a home gym. While I had no expectation that he’d adopt a new physical routine, I enthusiastically shared what I’d been learning. I taught him a few simple exercises: how to row with good form, how to lift some basic weights, and how to hang from a bar.

When I came back to reclaim my Concept 2 Rower a month later, he was rowing and practicing the exercises I taught him every day. In the two years since, I’ve helped him continue to build on his exercise habits until he’s exercising for two hours most days!

My father’s transformation has been profound. He is out of pain, working in his garden, and exercising several hours a day. I am immensely proud, but ultimately can’t take much credit for his recovery.

They have to want it

I have some tough news: you can’t change people. People have to want change in order to make progress.

If they don’t want to change their behavior, that’s where to begin. You can start with data, with a personal appeal, or any other approach that you think will work to help them want to change. But without the core desire – their “why” – change is impossible.

Let go of the outcome

My biggest learning, and one that I’ve had to confront again and again, is that in order to help someone we love, we have to let go of the need for them to change. You have to let go of the outcome.

You don’t have to care less, but we all know when we’re being pressured, even if it isn’t explicit. And – I don’t know about you – but when I’m pressured, I dig in my heels and resist change all the more!

To encourage someone you love to change their behavior, you have to first get comfortable with the fact that they may not ever change.

Attitude is everything

I spent many years helping kids with autism build better habits and learned an invaluable lesson: attitude trumps everything.

Many of the kids I worked with were non-verbal, and they, and their families, would often be bossed around by therapists and specialists who believed things should only be done a certain way.

These kids learned to respond, primarily, to a caregiver’s attitude. And I learned that when I showed up with a loving presence, we’d be able to connect much more easily.

This same approach holds true for everyone. To help someone you love change, showing up with a kind and gentle attitude is more than half the battle.

Be like gravity

The best invitations feel like gravity; impossible to resist

We’ve all been sold to by pushy salespeople. Gravity is the opposite.

Instead of pushing and pressuring, be so engaging, so inviting, that people want to gravitate towards you, and towards the changes you’re asking for.

Start where they are

For someone to change, you have to begin with where they are right now.

That’s true for any of us in pursuing any kind of behavior change. And it is particularly true when you’re wanting someone else to make progress.

We can’t run a marathon tomorrow if today we’re healing a sprained ankle. We can only build small habits from where we are right now.

Change takes the time that it takes

This comes back, full circle, to “we can’t control people.”

Change takes time, usually more than we want to give it. This is as true of change in others as it is for change within ourselves!

Helping someone we love takes the time that it takes. We can’t dictate how long a transformation will take. Impatience can not only create a negative atmosphere of pressure that slows down progress, but it also can mean that we miss important markers of progress along the way or lose the opportunity to be part of someone’s journey as they come back from a setback.

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During a conversation with author and conflict resolution specialist Dana Caspersen, she said to me, “Not only can you not change people, but it is none of your damned business.”

My judgment of the habits that led to my father’s injury and pressure for him to change did not help him recover, but actually got in the way of us having a healthy relationship.

Trying to get anyone to do something that they don’t already want to do is wasted effort. All that we can do is support and celebrate where someone is, and encourage them to take incrementally small steps in the direction we’ll hope they’ll go.

Until next time,
Robin

How to Identify Resistance

We all have habits and behaviors that we acknowledge are important to do – and which we will come up with any justification to avoid. Cold calling a sales prospect, a difficult conversation with a loved one, or your least favorite chore.

I feel most alive when I do two things every day: my movement practice and writing. But, just as I procrastinate before getting into my cold plunge, I can come up with an infinite number of reasons to avoid sitting down to write.

I haven’t written regularly since since 2017, when I published Responsive: What It Takes To Create a Thriving Organization. And the process of finishing Responsive was so painful that afterwards I stopped writing altogether. (Much of that challenge actually came because during that same period I sold Robin’s Cafe while going through a very difficult breakup. It was a difficult year.)

This spring, I’ve finally built back my daily writing habit and recognized that the real reason I haven’t written regularly is “Resistance,” which was coined by Steven Pressfield in the The War of Art, to describe why we don’t do our most important work.

In today’s article I’ll break down some habits and tactics for recognizing Resistance, and then next week I’ll share habits for overcoming Resistance.

Identify Resistance

The first step is to identify Resistance.

It’s taken me six years to realize that writing every day was something I was avoiding. Having identified that, I can now begin building habits towards writing more regularly.

Whatever the thing is that you’ve been avoiding, ask yourself if the underlying reason you’re avoiding that behavior is Resistance?

What’s your most important work?

You know the most important work that you need to do. When you find yourself coming up with any excuse to avoid taking that action, that’s a good indicator that you are succumbing to Resistance.

Look for the moments of pride or excitement in your life. These might give an indication of what you could be doing more of.

One question to ask yourself is “What are the habits or behaviors that you would like to do more of – but aren’t?”

What one action will move everything else forward?

In work, and in life, there are always a few actions that will have an outsized impact.

the person you most need to call
an email that you’ll feel relieved having sent
the sale you need to close
the unopened pile of bills to pay
the one food you need to cut from your diet

Whatever the thing is that creates the biggest point of leverage in your personal or professional life, chances are, if you’re not taking that action, the reason why is Resistance.

What are you already doing (at least in some way)?

Many of my proudest professional moments in the last decade have incorporated writing:

publishing my first book, How to do a Handstand
drafting the Craigslist ad that ultimately sold Robin’s Cafe
writing my first commercial script at Zander Media
this newsletter!

While I haven’t published a book since 2017, or published on my blog consistently in years, I do write – and I feel good when I do.

How does this make you feel – afterwards?

Practice things that are hard, but that leave you feeling great afterwards.

While I love the taste of a good cocktail, I stopped drinking 18 months ago because I’d consistently sleep poorly.

By contrast, getting into my cold plunge is really hard beforehand, but when I get out, I feel absolutely fantastic.

Fear is a good north star

Fear is often a good guide for what to focus on.

Of course, a fear of heights shouldn’t automatically dictate that you take up BASE jumping, but there is always a kernel of directional focus behind what you are afraid of.

Follow your fear.

What did you want to be as a kid?

What did you want to be when you grew up? For me, it wasn’t a writer, but a drummer or a professional skier. In other words, an entertainer.

The thing I like most about writing – or creating at Zander Media, for that matter – is creating content that helps people to connect and enables change.

While there isn’t a one-to-one correlation between what you wanted to be and Resistance, there can be clues from your history.

That’s it for now! Next week, I’ll share some habits for overcoming resistance. Meantime, though, respond back to this email and share something you’ve been avoiding!

Best,
Robin

Habits for Sleep

I’ve always had a contentious relationship with sleep. As a child, I’d get up after the house was quiet to enjoy a few hours of time alone and as a result I’d chronically wake up tired.

In college the common refrain was “you can sleep when you’re dead.”

It wasn’t until I recognized the profound impact a good night of sleep had on my physical performance (in ballet, specifically) that I decided to prioritize sleep. And even so, it has taken me another decade to cultivate robust sleep habits.

Here are a few of the habits I’ve found helpful:

Catch dawn and dusk

Prompted by Andrew Huberman, I dug into the research around sunlight. Getting a bit of sunlight at sunrise and sunset resets your circadian clock, and makes falling and staying asleep easier.

Cold plunging in the morning

My current habit is to spend 6 minutes in my 39 degree cold plunge in the morning. This doubles as my sunlight exposure and an abrupt way to wake up in the morning. The release of cortisol and adrenaline, and afterwards, dopamine, are the best way I’ve found to start the day.

(While I love cold plunging in the morning, or anytime before sunset, doing so after dark interferes with my sleep.)

When I’m the most tired is when I’m least good at going to sleep

I’m world class at procrastinating going to bed and turning a 20 minute bedtime routine into multiple hours. I’ve learned to set up the hours leading towards bedtime into as efficient a process as possible. There’s no problem that isn’t better to tackle first thing tomorrow, instead of late tonight.

“Just go to bed earlier. You’ll feel better in the morning.”
This is a phrase from my childhood, meant to sooth a discontented child (i.e. me). And it still holds true today. There’s no problem that isn’t better to tackle first thing tomorrow, instead of late tonight.

Don’t watch television at bedtime

Television doesn’t get in the way of my falling asleep, but after a show or a movie my sleep is much more restless. Interestingly, it doesn’t matter what kind of television.

Tracking helps

I’m not big on tracking everything about myself, but spending several weeks tracking what time I fall asleep was really helpful in moving my bedtime earlier. The Oura Ring is the best tool I’ve discovered for tracking what time I fall asleep and how much of each type of sleep I get. (REM, Deep Sleep, etc.). I’ve gotten competitive with the Oura Ring’s report of what time I should go to bed, and now always try to go to bed before it says I should.

Sleep Supplements

Here are some supplements I’ve been enjoying.

L-Theanine – is an amino acid found in green tea that has been shown to relieve stress, and improve mood and sleep
Apigenin – is an extract from chamomile. While I’ve historically enjoyed chamomile tea at night, I’ve found apigenin to provide that same sense of soothing at bedtime.
Magnesium – Most of us are deficient in magnesium, so taking magnesium is a good habit, regardless. And I find that if I supplement magnesium most days, I don’t wake up in the middle of the night with muscle cramps.
Krill oil – Oddly, I love the taste of krill oil, and especially the Kirkland brand.
Omega 3s – There’s a growing body of research on the benefits of supplementing Omega 3s. We could all do well to take more EPAs and DHAs. I like Nordic Naturals ProOmega.
Melatonin – Melatonin is the old standby, but I find that while 1 or 3mg of melatonin put me to sleep, I invariably wake up at 4am and can’t get back to sleep. These days, I only take melatonin when I absolutely need it.

Hot bath or cold shower

I’ve taken hot baths at bedtime since I was young. This doubles as my favorite time to read physical books. Lately, though, I’ve been also enjoying cold showers just before bed. Hot baths prompt the body to cool off quickly. Cold showers get the body to warm up. Maybe it is something about the temperature change, but either a hot bath (with enough time to cool down before bed) or a cold shower (so long as I get in bed quickly) puts me right to sleep.

Sex Helps

I notice that I sleep better at night if I’ve had enough sex in the preceding days. Everyone is different, but I fall asleep faster, and stay asleep longer.

Exercise the dogs – and the people, too

The dogs will sometimes bark in the middle of the night, particularly at the raccoon that lives in the oak over my house. Getting the dogs enough physical activity before bedtime solves this issue entirely. And when I get a good cardio workout I sleep better, too.

What are tools or habits you’ve discovered for sleep? I’d love to hear!

Until next time,
Robin

37 Lessons Learned from 37 Years

I turned 37 earlier this week and thought it would be a fun creative constraint to list out thirty-seven lessons learned in the last few decades.

Drop me an email and let me know your favorite, or if there’s one you think I missed!

Follow the thread of your interest – The best way to learn anything new is to follow your curiosity. You never know where the threads of your interest will take you and this kind of self-directed learning is much more fun.

Growth isn’t linear – You can’t estimate your progress by looking at who you were yesterday. Growth doesn’t happen that way.

What you practice is who you become – If you want to judge progress, look at the habits you practiced today and the direction they point. That will show you who you’ll become.

Motivation comes in waves – Motivation isn’t constant. While it is a skill you can practice, it also comes in waves. When you’re feeling motivated, harness it. (I am at my most creative in the morning, so I’ve learned to harness that momentum, not work against it.)

Know what fuels you – We all derive energy from different sources. Know what gives you energy, and use it.

Change is inevitable – Trying to fight change is like trying to fight gravity. Since things are going to change, you might as well celebrate it when they do.

Everyone begins where they are – We can only begin from where we are. And that’s a good thing.

Small habits are everything – Every tectonic shift grows from a small beginning. Focus on the small habits, and the big changes will take care of themselves.

Start smaller – Make a new habit so small that accomplishing it is practically inevitable. And when you think you’ve gotten as small as possible, go smaller still.

Celebrate to reinforce – Celebrate your successes, no matter how small. Celebration removes your self-judgment and cements a new habit.

Habit stacking – Good habits build on each other. (Bad habits do, too.) Cultivate one new habit, and then layer the next one just afterwards.

Small is smaller than you think – Make a new habit so small that doing it is practically inevitable.

Don’t judge when you backslide – Judging yourself when you regress just means that you feel bad about yourself. Instead of judging, acknowledge what’s changed, and then continue to build.

Failure isn’t failure – Failure isn’t a permanent state. Years later, you’ll look back and have learned something from the experience. If you’re going to do that later, you might as well do that now!

Comparison is the thief of joy – Comparing yourself to someone else or against all of the things that you haven’t accomplished yet removes any chance of appreciation for where you are now.

Competition is fuel – Competition can be good fuel to do difficult things. Competition against yourself is healthier than competition against someone else. (See Comparison.)

Physical activity makes everything better – There aren’t a lot of things that can’t be improved by physical activity.

Get outside – A short walk. Glimpse the sky. Climb a mountain. Get outside and you’ll feel better.

Love the process – The key to learning anything well is to fall in love with the process.

Prioritize mindfulness – Good things come from carving out time for mindfulness and introspection. Find an approach that works for you, and then practice.

Pursue positive addictions – Get “addicted” to things that are healthy for you.

Child-like, not child-ish – Maintaining child-like wonder makes for a much more enjoyable experience and life. This attitude shouldn’t be confused for child-ish.

Skepticism is overrated – It is easier to criticize and doubt. Skepticism is an excuse for avoiding action. Be bold.

Go all in – When you’ve decided to try something, go all in. Even if you change your mind later, when you go all in you’ll learn faster, enjoy it more, and won’t second-guess afterward.

Optimism is a superpower – Cultivate an optimistic worldview, and things are much more likely to go your way.

Attitude over words – Your attitude comes through, regardless of the words you use. Prioritize how you show up over the words you speak.

Ask more loving questions – Ask questions with love and attention. These questions allow someone to see themselves more clearly, which is a gift.

Vulnerability – Vulnerability is at the heart of connection and positive growth. When you show up with vulnerability, you invite others to do the same.

Bravery – Fear is a great north star. If you’re afraid of doing something, that’s probably a good indicator to consider doing it.

Play to your strengths – Know what you do uniquely well, and do more of that.

Don’t forget bystander apathy – The bystander effect is a powerful force that allows each of us to justify inaction. The key to overcoming bystander apathy is to remember it exists.

Variable reinforcement – we’re all subject to variable reinforcement. Use this to your advantage to reinforce the behaviors you want.

Remember The Dip – There’s a point in any learning curve when most people quit. When you’ve decided to do something difficult, remember The Dip.

It is all make-believe – We create our reality. Don’t like it? Reinvent. (Read Illusions.)

Grant yourself grace – We all make mistakes. Grant yourself, and others, grace to try again.

History rhymes – It is often said that history doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme. Your history rhymes, too.

Time for money – Don’t trade your time for money, unless it is also spent doing something you love or the learning is worth it.

Who you are is more important – Are you kind to waitstaff? Do you prioritize the most important people in your life? These things are more important than your list of accomplishments.

Habits for Fasting & What I’ve Learned from Not Eating for 5 Days

I haven’t had anything to eat or drink except for water for five days. That would have sounded bonkers to me just six months ago, but this is my fifth multi-day fast this year. ( Here’s a video about my first 5-day fast.)

Tomorrow, I’ll eat my first meal in 130 hours. I’m really excited! But, honestly – I’m feeling great, have a ton of energy, and haven’t been hungry in two days!

Several years ago, intense stomach pain forced me to consider my digestion. But, it wasn’t until four close friends were all diagnosed with cancer last year that I began to study the benefits of fasting – both to improve my gut health and prevent cancer. And I went down the rabbit hole!

I had a lot of reasons to fast: To improve my digestion and gut health. To explore the performance-enhancing aspects of fasting. To be able to support my friends with cancer. Because I like new experiences! The more reasons we have to try a new habit, and the clearer those reasons are, the easier it is to begin.

Even without realizing it, I started small. I’ve been doing intermittent (partial-day) fasting for years without knowing it for years. When I danced ballet, I didn’t have time to eat for 6+ hours at a stretch. In the last few years, I haven’t made time for breakfast between work meetings. All of these were small steps towards fasting, even though I didn’t realize it at the time. The only way to attempt something big is by starting small.

Here’s what else I’ve learned:

We are capable of so much more than we think

I had no real notion that the body is capable of going multiple days without food. Having done something new that I used to believe was impossible, I’m inclined to consider what else might be possible that currently feels out of reach.

The benefits of delayed gratification

The marshmallow test, or our ability to delay gratification, is predictive of positive life outcomes. Unfortunately, I’ve always believed that I was bad at delaying gratification. Through this experience, I’ve come to realize that this is not true, and actually been enjoying this experience.

As an aside: fasting is the most difficult form of delayed gratification I’ve ever tried.

We are designed to go without food

Humans are made to go without food. Prior to this year, I didn’t realize that there’s a switch that flips, and our bodies transition from using glucose for fuel to burning fat. Far from my body shutting down, I’m more alert, more present, and more capable during long fasts even than during my normal life.

This is an altered state

I’m an adrenaline junkie and enjoy the altered states from things like cold plunging or exercise. Long-term fasting is certainly an altered state. I wake up with a lot of adrenaline, need less sleep, and have a very different kind of focus than usual. I couldn’t live like this all the time, but it is certainly an interesting experience.

Hunger pangs go away

I’ve always been afraid of what happens when hunger pangs get bad. It turns out that on the other side of hunger is… nothing. During the first 2 days of this fast, I was mildly hungry, on and off. Since then, I’m simply not hungry anymore.

I still get mildly hungry for a few minutes a few times a day, andI certainly have fantasized about food over the past five days! But, by and large, I feel great.

If you’re interested in trying fasting, I thought I’d share my top three habits for fasting:

Drink a lot more water
Go without breakfast for a few days (try intermittent fasting)
Pay attention to how you feel

Drink more water

Most of us would benefit from drinking more water. I still haven’t successfully created the habit of drinking enough water when I’m not fasting, but even during an intermittent (partial-day) fast, I carry a full water bottle with me everywhere. A key to my longer fasts is drinking a lot of water, especially when I feel hungry.

To start: Have water nearby as a cue to ask yourself the question, “Do I want a drink of water?”

Go without breakfast

Skipping breakfast has become a popular form of intermittent fasting, or eating all of your meals within a prescribed 8- or 10-hour window. The main goal of this habit, though, is to learn that hunger pangs go away, and that we aren’t fundamentally tied to eating every day or a specific schedule.

To start: Delay eating for a few minutes, when you get hungry. If you eat breakfast at 8am, try eating at 9am. If you’re comfortable swapping breakfast for brunch, try delaying brunch by an hour.

Pay attention

Most of us don’t pay attention when we eat. Amidst the demands of work and life, I often don’t. I’ve also used intermittent fasting as a crutch, when I don’t have time to eat. But skipping a meal is useless if you aren’t still paying attention along the way.

My number one habit for someone starting out fasting is to pay more attention. It turns out that the intense stomach pain that got me started on this journey was the result of years of stress, drinking coffee on an empty stomach, and a lack of attention. I wasn’t aware of how much the stress and astringent coffee were combining.

To start: Notice the sensation of eating a bite of food or a drink of water. When you feel the first glimmer of hunger pains, sit with them for a moment instead of immediately reaching for food.

Let me know if you like today’s focus on fasting! If you want to learn more and try fasting yourself, just reply to this email and I’m happy to share more thoughts with you, directly.

As ever, thanks for reading!

Until next time,
Robin

P.S. Nothing here is, or should be construed as medical advice. Please consult with your physician before trying fasting, or anything that might impact your health.

The Psychology of Money, Ramit Sethi, and Wanting to Crawl Out of My Own Skin

I was standing on the hilltop, sweating, having just run up 1200 vertical feet in under 10 minutes. The loose gravel shifted underfoot and tears stained my face. I was upset and afraid, and wanted to crawl out of my own skin. The reason: I was in credit card debt.

That was an afternoon ten years ago.

As a kid, I’d internalized that debt was bad, and credit card debt was a cardinal sin. Of course, I didn’t know how credit cards actually work. Monthly statements? Statement balances versus minimum payments? The tactics of money, and credit cards in particular, were unknown to me.

That day on the hill, I wanted to die with the shame of the financial debt I had accumulated, but in the decade since I’ve built a lot of financial habits towards greater ease and more resilience. (I went on to pay that credit card debt off over the next two months.)

A handful of years later: I was in debt again. I had borrowed $40,000 from family and friends to open up Robin’s Cafe – my restaurant and events venue in the heart of the Mission District, San Francisco.

What’s funny is that the credit card debt that I couldn’t bear was about $6,500. By contrast, I carried $40,000 in debt from Robin’s Cafe with pride.

Building the cafe was my personal MBA, and even if I lost it all, $40,000 was cheap for an MBA. (Unforgivable student loans, notwithstanding.) But, within a couple of months of opening, I was able to build a cash-positive business, and began paying down that debt each month.

The psychology of money is perhaps the most important thing I know about money, and something I wish I had learned much earlier. It has taken me until 36 years old to begin to get a grasp of this topic, but now that I have begun to think about money, and the behaviors that shape our finances, I couldn’t be more excited.

Money is psychological. In the same way that light is both a particle and wave (don’t ask me. I don’t understand physics.), money is a habit, energy, time, and a social agreement that allows us to enact our will in the world. People who handle money effectively know these things intuitively. But when I was 26, with tears staining my face, I didn’t believe it.

Here are three simple money habits I practice today:

Checking bank and credit card balances every day. Most of us avoid the issues when we are uncertain or afraid – or in debt. It feels easier to not open mail or look at a bank balance, in case it might be a bill or an overdraft fee. For me, checking on a bank balance every day helps me to break any potential cycle of avoidance.
Depositing into long term savings each week. As someone who’s never had a single day job or salary, it has sometimes been difficult to automate my savings. I’ve handled this over the last few years by automatically transferring a small amount of money from my checking account to long term savings every week. Out of sight; out of mind.
Asking people questions about money! I ask people all sorts of uncomfortable questions about money (though usually with the caveat “feel free not to answer”). I find that talking about money is the fastest way to learn about my own and other’s insecurities and build better habits.

I’ll be writing about money habits more soon, but for now I’ll leave you with a question: what’s one of your money habits? Leave a comment and let me know.

Until next time,
Robin

Habits for Mental Health & Addiction

A video I made recently, about talking someone down off of a bridge, has gone viral. The video, and the story behind it, has me thinking a lot about mental health.

There’s a lot of addiction in my family. My uncle died of pills, and my grandfather died of alcohol. I have always been leery of my own addictive tendencies, and tried to steer clear of the worst of those patterns. Fortunately, my addictions – to things like exercise and cold plunging – have a lot of tangible health benefits, and are harder to abuse than, for instance, alcohol.

I started drinking regularly while running Robin’s Cafe and at my peak would have a drink every evening of the pandemic. Then, in September 2021, I gave up alcohol entirely. (This continues to be a bit of a challenge, since my girlfriend makes exceptionally good cocktails.)

In reading Wonder Boy, I see facets of myself in Tony’s story. He saw the world differently, and that allowed him to accomplish great things, but led him to struggle to exist in our shared reality. I’ve done things that people told me were impossible, and, as a result, found myself in situations that felt nearly impossible to handle.

I haven’t carried the level of responsibility Tony did. And, perhaps I also wasn’t born with Tony’s heightened gifts/challenges. But I do understand facets of what Tony faced. Even as I am, today, in the best physical and emotional health of my life, I worry that things might change. Life is extraordinarily fragile. In a moment, and without warning, things can shift, again, and we find ourselves in completely different – and worse – situations, and have to build back from there.

I don’t see a concrete way around this, beyond celebrating when things are going well, and reaching for gratitude even when they aren’t. All any of us can do is focus on the daily habits that build in the direction we want to go. I like who I am when I exercise a lot, so I take small steps towards building a life where I train movement for several hours each day. Building healthy habits and routines while things are good have given me a stable foundation to fall back on during tough times.

For you, that might be starting with 10 minutes a day – or some other habit entirely. Don’t compare yourself to me, or anyone other than who you were yesterday and who you want to be tomorrow. I often think of a quote from James Clear: “Every action you take is a vote in the direction of the type of person you wish to become.”

Who do you want to become this afternoon? Tomorrow? Let next year and other people worry about themselves. Just take one step in that direction of who you want to become.

Until next time,
-Robin

How Do We Make the Most of the Time We Have?

Early in high school, I discovered what Tyler Cowen calls a “quake book” – a book that fundamentally alters my world view and how I live. Tuesdays with Morrie is a book about death, and it has changed how I view, and talk about death, ever since.

When my best friend was diagnosed with breast cancer almost a year ago, I re-read Tuesdays with Morrie. I began to have a lot of conversations with my friend and her spouse about death, dying, grief, and love.

Even beyond the breast cancel diagnosis, this year hasn’t been exactly mellow. My little company Zander Media had an epic year, and that growth came, in equal measure, with a lot of challenge. My aunt died in August, and my car was totaled on the freeway driving home from her memorial in October.

I’m returning from a week in Vieques, Puerto Rico, where my best friend has lived for the last few years. As we ever do, we spent the week talking about taboo topics and trading “lessons” – gentle, somatic movement – and swimming in the Caribbean. Six weeks after my car accident, I’m through most of the shock.

I’ve finally begun to slow down after the marathon-sprint that has been the last year.

In “Tuesdays with Morrie” the author, Mitch Albom reconnects with his old teacher and mentor, Morrie, who is slowly wasting away from Lou Gehrig’s disease. Gifted with a dozen brief visits, these two men resume their friendship and discuss a myriad of facets of life. The book ends, of course, with Morrie’s passing.

My friend and I have talked ever day for 15 years. I’ve always assumed we’d have 30 more years together. Now, I don’t know how much time we’ll have left.

I’ve learned, again and again this year, that we never really know.

With my friend, with myself, and with everyone I love – I intend to make the most of this time. As young as I feel at 36, I’ve realized that these lives we are given are short and fleeting. I intend to live fully, but not go too fast. To love fiercely without holding too tight. I’ll also be back to Vieques to see my friend, very soon.

On the Shortness of Life

I was driving home after my aunt’s memorial on Saturday afternoon when my car was hit by someone pulling onto the freeway.

My car was slammed across two lanes of traffic into the median; airbags deployed, and my Prius totaled. The other driver’s SUV spun nearly 180 degree; airbags deployed, front axel broken, and his car, too, is what’s called an “expedited total loss.” Miraculously, we both walked away. Severely shaken, but for the most part unscathed.

The entire weekend, beginning with the family memorial and ending with drive home from Southern California with my parents, has me reflecting on the shortness of life. On where we choose to spend our energy. On the limited amount of time each of us has remaining.

I’m know to be intense. An ex- calls my “thorough.” I routinely do bonkers things like start businesses with no experience or do handstands on stage. But my energy, my intensity, comes at a cost. I say “yes” to meetings with strangers; I’m constantly pushing myself to do more, to take on additional responsibilities. I’m not great at delegating or asking for help. As a result, throughout this last year, I’ve spent 70 hours a week working, and not enough time prioritizing actually connecting with the people I love.

In 36 years full of intensity – and more than my share of close calls – this is the most intense near-death experience I’ve had.

And while I’m still processing the experience – doubtless will be for quite some time – here are some of the things I’d like to do differently with however much time I have left.

Slow down

I was driving at the speed of traffic, when the collision occurred. But I like moving fast, in many aspects of my life. I eat fast, I talk fast, and I change my mind, sometimes, too quickly. (Sorry, Mom.) That’s all fine, and fun – right up until someone gets hurt.

I’m reminded of the phrase, coined in the SEALS: “Slow is smooth, and smooth is fast.” That’s the kind of fast I’d like more of.

Less drama, more love

I put up with, and, if I’m being honest, manufacturer a lot of drama. I like drama! Most of us do. Why else would we rubberneck at a car accident, as everyone did as I limped past them across the freeway.

I used to bike down steep San Francisco streets at 45 miles per hour. On a bicycle. In traffic. One minuscule misstep… And while I don’t do that crazy ride anymore, that thrill-seeking boy remains with me.

At my best, I’m intense, but also intensely kind and gentle. And I don’t like quite that much cortisol. I think better, perform better, and love better, when I’m not living on the edge.

It can wait

I didn’t have a device in my hand in that moment of the accident – but I have done.

I’ve gotten pretty comfortable texting a colleague, changing the music, checking directions while

I’m driving. And while “fault” isn’t much in question in this case… I can’t help but wonder if I might have been able to swerve out of the way. Maybe not, too. Life’s like that.
But I intend to take this near-death experience as a ‘shot across the bow.’ We got lucky, and I’m not going to bank on that, again.

Focus your attention

My time this year has been scattered, fractured, and intense. I’ve been frenetically building my company, Zander Media. I take meetings 8 hours a day, then do actually work for a handful of hours. And I’m still trying to find room for my own creativity, my art. Not to mention things like a relationship, my family, and my dog.

An old teacher used to say: “What you put your attention on, you make bigger.” When I look back on my calendar from the last 6 months, I’ve been putting my attention on every damn thing.

I don’t remember the accident, itself. But I remember walking away from my car, the airbags deployed and smoking, limped across the freeway, stared into the stunned faces of the cars driving slowly by. The other driver was sitting, remorseful, his head in his hands. He was worried about his son, who was just then in the hospital. He was in shock, even more than me. The bystanders who’d stopped, took pictures of the scene at my request. Someone called the California Highway Patrol. We both felt terrible, scared, shattered.

A few days have passed, and I’m better. Achy and shaken up, but walking around. Damned grateful. My digestion, which was all bolloxed up for several days, has slowly begun to improve. But when I think that my parents, who drove me away from the scene, might have seen the mangled body of their son… . I feel a reverence since the accident. A gratitude that I can’t quite put into words.

I’ve been offered Grace.

I’m writing this, and publishing it, so that I can hang on to the experience. So that I don’t take my dog Riley for granted, but keep precious the gratitude that she wasn’t in the car with me. Life is short, precious, and can end – abruptly – at any moment. Tell someone you love that you care for them. Slow down a little bit, and love more.

Thanks for reading,
Robin

A Day in the Life of Robin P. Zander

This video is a day in the life building my company, Zander Media.

We’ve experienced a lot of growth over the last few months, and I’m learning to navigate the company through that change. Today’s video shows the blend of personal and professional that makes up my daily life; everything I’m doing to build the business and integrate that with the rest of my life.

Every day, I do a lot of the same things. I drink tea, journal, and exercise. And I take a lot of meetings! I’m so excited for the journey I – and the entire Zander Media team – are on, and I’m glad to be able to share a glimpse of it with you!

The Future of Work Needs to Invest in Itself

My guest today is Allison Baum Gates, a General Partner at SemperVirens Venture Capital and a lecturer at the Business School at Columbia University and the Haas School of Business at UC Berkeley.

Allison got her start working in finance and investing, but quickly saw that technology was changing everything about her work and our world. So Allison decided to go into technology, and to focus on investing in the technology that would be doing the disrupting in 5 or 10 years.

She spends her days talking to startup founders and cultivating SemperVirens’ ecosystem of forward-thinking startups. Allison is making an incredible impact with the companies in her portfolio, and her passion for people and growth is clearly a guiding force in her work.

It was a real pleasure to hear about how Allison is trying to make the future of work a reality.

You can listen to it on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you listen!

A Student of Ido Portal and Moshe Feldenkrais: My Movement Practice

In almost 3 decades of maintaining a rigorous movement practice, I have often struggled to define myself as a mover.

Classical ballet, surfing, Brazillian jiu jitsu, juggling, trapeze, Capoeira, gymnastics – I have done all of these and more, but no term truly fits or encompasses me fully.

At 21, having recently landed on my head on a trampoline, I met a woman named Anat Baniel, who was a student of the world famous movement practitioner, Moshe Feldenkrais. For the next 6 years, I embarked on an extremely rigorous course of study in a modern variant of the Feldenkrais Method. The principles of this work are simple: move slowly, with attention, and practice variation in movement slightly beyond your usual patterns.

Then in 2017, I met Johnny Sapinoso, who was a mentee of the world famous movement coach, Ido Portal. I immediately became obsessed with Johnny and the movement community he was building, as well as Ido’s teachings. This community provided the intense, physical counterpoint to the softer, more internal work of my Feldenkrais practice. And for the first time, I found a community of practice that brought together techniques from the dozens of different modalities I have studied over the years.

These two practices – The Feldenkrais Method and the teachings and community of Ido Portal, form the basis of my movement practice today.

This is my movement story.

Lessons Learned from the Last 35 Years

I’m turning 35 today and thought I would take a moment to write some of my lessons learned from the last several years.

Move everyday.
I’ve always had a pretty thorough movement practice, but among the most positive changes in my last 5 years is the fact that I now move every single day. I’ve found that one of the biggest, simple changes anyone can make is a routine to get your body in motion. What’s interesting to you? What’s a thread, an exploration, a discipline of study that you’d like to pull on? Go try it! These bodies of ours are meant to move.

Find work that you love. Keep looking until you do.
I enjoyed much of what I did professionally 5 years ago, but that pales by comparison to the amount of delight I get from my work today. As someone who has had more than 40 different jobs in more than 15 different industries, I can tell you that it’s really tempting to settle. You don’t have to settle for good enough! Keep looking.

Work with people you love.
While the work matters, doing it with people that you love matters even more. Among the most positive characteristics of my work today is that I get to spend my working life with people I enjoy. Find those people that you are proud to work alongside, and build your professional life with them.

Fear is a good guide.
I’ve often gone towards fear, but it’s only in the last year that I’ve recognized, specifically, that fear can be a useful guide. It’s natural that we move away from things that we are afraid of. That’s fine: it keeps us safe. But sometimes, it can be useful to go towards the things we are fearful of, instead. There’s a lot to be learned in those shadows.

Everything takes the time that it takes.
As somebody who prides himself on his ability to move quickly, patience with myself is a hard won feat. In the many years that I was dissatisfied with my work, I was constantly pressuring myself to have already found my perfect career path. Over many years of wanting a family member to take better care of himself, I was always wanting him to change more quickly. We don’t get to decide how quickly or how slowly things change.

You don’t get to control people. (And actually, it is none of your business.)
Years ago, my friend, Dana Casperson, told me “you don’t get to control people, and actually, it is none of your damn business!” This has been hard feedback for me to receive, and I’ve repeated that quote to myself many times over the years. I’ve often derived meaning from trying to “help” (control) people whom I love. We don’t get to. Practice letting go of the desire for control.

“You’ve always been a little bit slow.”
Something my Dad said to me on my 30th birthday – jokingly, but with a grain of truth: “Robin, it’s okay. You’ve always been a little bit slow.” I’ve accomplished a lot that I’m proud of in the last 35 years and some are things that most people don’t let themselves even dream of trying. But I also went on my first date at 19, years later than anyone else I knew, and am frequently the last person to recognize something new about myself that’s obvious to everyone else around me. While I have excelled in many areas in my life, I have also moved slowly in areas that my peers are much quicker. That’s fine. Going slow works, too.

Get familiar with grief.
This has been a particularly hard one for me, having gone through two substantial heartbreaks in the last 5 years. I haven’t found that grief gets any easier, but I’ve found that I can develop better toolsets to help deal with it. Endings, deaths, and partings are a natural and inevitable part of our lives. It helps to practice getting familiar with grief.

Relationships get better with time. “Make new friends, but keep the old.”
I was pretty antisocial until 19 and then turned a corner and learned the name of every single person in my entering class in college. I love meeting new people. (And a good thing too, since that’s most of my job today!) But novelty doesn’t hold a candle compared to my most intimate friendships that go back 10+ years. Relationships get better with time. Make room for that.

Leave room for introspection.
I’ve long had the tendency to distract myself by being busy when things get tough. It turns out, at least for me, that when I leave more room for introspection, growth happens more quickly and way more gently! I’m blessed that I have bandwidth in my life today for a lot of quiet introspection. But however you do it, leave room for yourself, too.

Read more.
Along with my propensity to get busy, I frequently don’t make enough time for reading. It feels like cheating – taking time for myself, selfishly, to learn. But in a world that is filled with distractions, I find so much delight in handling a physical book and diving into someone else’s world. So this advice is mostly just for myself: read more.

Play more.
Anyone who knows me knows that I can be very playful. Not usually childish, but frequently childlike. There’s a lot to take seriously in the world right now. Balance that with play.

There is such a thing as too much caffeine.
5 years ago I would have believed no such thing. Maybe I’m just getting old, but I sleep better at night if I stop drinking aged pu-erh after noon.

The last year and a half has been tumultuous for everybody. Beyond that, in the last 5 years, my personal and professional life have changed more than I could have conceived. These practices have become bedrock in my life. I’m going to spend the next five years deepening these and developing more. I wish you well in finding yours!

Community and Joy – An interview with Robin Zander by Nate Floyd

As part of the updates to this website and across the RPZ brand, I’ve recently sat down for a half dozen interviews with close friends. And instead of the typical “Robin conducts an interview”, I have asked them to interview me.

Today’s interview is with my dear friend, Nate Floyd. Nate and I have known each other for several years as members of SF Movement Practice. Beyond our shared physical practice, Nate is a salesman and a plant medicine guide, and over the years has become a close and valued friend.

In this interview, he asks me a wide variety of questions about life, meaning, and my personal approach to happiness. I hope you enjoy!

Unconventional Advice to Improve Your Relationships

What’s the old joke? “Why do my parents push all my buttons? Because they installed them!”

In 2019, at 33 years old, I spent 4 weeks traveling with my mother in Africa. And as much as I love my mother, she also can drive me crazy.

Whether in our personal relationships or at work, here are some lessons learned for having better relationships with people in our lives.

(Want more? Here’s the fully story about that trip.)

Gayle Karen Young Whyte, former head of People and Culture at Wikimedia, on Immediacy and Resilience

My guest today is Gayle Karen Young Whyte, former head of People and Culture at Wikimedia (the parent company behind Wikipedia). These days Gayle is very politically active and consulting with a select group of executives on organizational and culture change.

I’ve known Gayle since she spoke at the first Responsive Conference in San Francisco in 2016, and have followed her work ever since.

In this conversation, recorded in late 2020, we talk about resilience, inquiry, the COVID-19 pandemic, and what we can all do to rise to the challenges of these times. Gayle brings wisdom, simplicity, and kindness to the questions of how to continue learning, growing, and thriving as new opportunities arise in our lives.

Dr. Emily Anhalt, Founder of Coa, on the Mental Health Revolution

My guest today is Dr. Emily Anhalt (@dremilyanhalt), a clinical psychologist and the co-founder of Coa, a startup building virtual and in-person centers to practice and improve mental health and resilience.

Emily spoke at a Responsive Conference event that I hosted on Mental Health in San Francisco in November 2019, and I was so impressed with her presentation on stage that I’ve been wanting to sit down with her ever since to talk about mental health.

Now, more than ever, this conversation is needed and I’m delighted that Emily is leading the way and sharing tools to improve wellbeing. Her research into the psychological components of leadership is fascinating, and I learn a lot every time I listen to Emily.

I hope you enjoy this conversation!

Practical Entrepreneurship: Curiosity, Empathy, and Growth

Empathy is Superpower

I was on set recently with a Zander Media client conducting a dozen interviews, and I was reflecting on the interview process.

Zander Media got its start through my own ability to show up compassionately with people who might or might not be comfortable on camera. We recorded their answers, made sure that what they had to say was precise, accurate, and compelling, and helped them feel at ease. Of course, ZM has come a long way since then…

At the heart of our work is helping people feel comfortable on screen. Curiosity and a lack of defensiveness is very unusual in business. And when you show up with empathy and love – especially at work – the outcomes can be remarkable.

From Boy To Man: Bullying, Sensitivity, and Growth

I visited my middle school last week, which is the location of the darkest moments in my life. There were times in 6th and 7th grade when I did not think I would survive the experience.

I was a sensitive boy growing up. We didn’t have the word “bullying” back then, but that’s what it was. Basketball to the face, getting called “girl” every day, coming home from school every day in tears.

We all have demons. At least, everyone I know has demons! But while they are so big in our mind, they aren’t actually so big in real life.

Watch this video for some stories about those times, and how those times have made me the man I am today.

Jeremy Liew, partner at Lightspeed Venture Partners on Doing the Impossible and Staying Relevant at 50

My guest today is Jeremy Liew (@jeremysliew), a partner at Lightspeed Venture Partners.

Jeremy heads up investments in consumer technology at Lightspeed, a well-known Silicon Valley venture capital firm, and has invested in iconic and culturally relevant companies, including Snap, Giphy, Rothy’s, Affirm, Honest, Cheddar, and many more.

Jeremy is willing to embrace the beginner’s mind and practice things he doesn’t know how to do – even when it is uncomfortable. And as we discuss, that trait has paid dividends throughout his personal and professional life.

I know Jeremy personally through my own physical practice. We are both students of Johnny Sapinoso of San Francisco Movement Practice.

In this interview, Jeremy and I discuss his background and the various transitionary points in his personal life and professional career, how his “geeky youth” set the stage for work within the early Web 1.0 companies like AOL and Netscape, his first experience in sales in his mid-20s, and his discovery of and love for movement in recent years.

As a business operator and first time investor myself, we dive into how Jeremy recognizes consumer trends and the difference between being a business operator versus an investor.

I hope you enjoy this wide ranging conversation about startups, consumer trends, movement, and learning with my friend, Jeremy Liew.

Finding inner peace through 24 years of solitary confinement with Eldra Jackson III of Inside Circl‪e

Eldra is a TED main stage speaker and the co-executive director of Inside Circle, a non-profit which works to end cycles of incarceration and recidivism. Eldra was incarcerated for 24 years, with several years of that time spent in solitary confinement.

Eldra now spends most of his time sitting with people inside and outside the prison system, helping them uncover their own truths to find greater internal peace.

I first met Eldra through a Zander Media client, The Trium Group, where Eldra serves as a strategic advisor. I have since come to call him a friend.

With their focus that “not all prisons have walls,” Inside Circle does transformative work to address the trauma and other wounds that create cycles of incarceration.

Any time spent with Eldra is time well spent. I’m also pleased to share that Zander Media now produces The Inside Circle Podcast with Eldra Jackson III, with guests including Byron Katie, founder of The Work, Soren Gordhamer, founder of Wisdom 2.0, and many more. I hope you enjoy this wide ranging conversation with my friend, Eldra Jackson III!

Mark Brand, Food Activism and A Better Life Foundation

I first met Mark Brand through his talk at Responsive Conference 2017. The conversation in today’s episode is broad in scope, but the central thread is Mark’s tireless effort towards improving equality for all people. In Mark’s world, that is predominantly through getting people fed. As a former restaurateur myself, I’m blown away by what Mark has accomplished, the millions and millions of people he has fed and his own personal triumphs.

He’s gone from being unhoused to being a successful serial entrepreneur and philanthropist. Anyone who wants to really have an impact on the world can learn a lot from Mark Brand’s approach and philosophies.

Please enjoy this wide ranging conversation with my friend, Mark Brand.

A Tribute to Tony Hsieh

The months leading up to Responsive Conference 2016 were a whirlwind. Earlier that year, I had opened Robin’s Cafe, and the cafe was scheduled to cater the first annual Responsive Conference. I had never run an industry-defining business conference before and was learning the ropes on the fly – balancing cafe inventory alongside sponsorship calls with Microsoft.

Somewhere along the way, I met Rachel Murch, who headed up organizational design and transformation at Zappos. Rachel gave me a tour around Zappos’ campus, and I remember her specifically pointing out Tony Hsieh’s desk and commenting “though he’s never there”.

I invited Tony to speak at that very first conference, but he declined. Then, at the beginning of the first day of the 2016 conference, just as Adam Pisoni was about to go on stage to give the opening keynote, I got a call from the volunteers at the front desk. The volunteer told me that there was “somebody named Tony” at the front door with an entourage – or as I came to know them – a group of his closest friends. I dashed up to the front entrance and met Tony Hsieh for the first time before running back to the mainstage in time to introduce our first speaker.

Throughout Responsive Conference 2016, Tony, Rachel and about half a dozen other Zappos employees sat in the very back of the amphitheatre and took notes. At the very end of the event, Tony summoned me up to where they were all sitting and complimented me on a successful first year conference. He then insisted that I return the favor and visit him at the Life is Beautiful Festival in Downtown Las Vegas, which was taking place the following weekend.

I do not actually like music festivals, and I had not spent much time in Downtown Las Vegas, but my incredible hosts, most notably Rachel, made me feel extremely welcome. I will never forget Tony inviting me to sit down with him at the bar and starting a conversation with someone over my shoulder, only to find out later that my fellow barmate was Matt Mullenweg, the founder of WordPress and Automattic.

As so many have, I was particularly struck by Tony’s Downtown Las Vegas Airstream Trailer Park, known as Ferguson’s, and the community he built. I began to wonder if there might not be potential for a future collaboration with Zappos.

There was a brief moment when someone on Tony’s team learned that I ran a successful restaurant and suggested that I open up a second location for Robin’s Cafe in Las Vegas. We even toured several abandoned buildings together as potential venues!

For the next several years, one or two members of Tony’s team attended Responsive Conference. Then, halfway through the 2018 conference, as I was sitting at the hotel with Zapponian, John Bunch, the conversation came up as to where I should host Responsive Conference 2019. John and I together thought of Zappos HQ and Downtown Las Vegas. John sent a quick text to Tony, and just like that, we were confirmed. The very next day, John and I made the announcement in front of 350 attendees that the 2019 conference would be hosted at Zappos. Having had a Zappos culture book in my library since 2009, this was a big moment for Responsive Conference.

Throughout 2019, my team and I toured Zappos and Downtown Las Vegas, and made plans for a variety of different ways we could design delight for our conference attendees. We were given a behind-the-scenes tour of the Downtown Project, as well as the nuts and bolts of running a conference in the Zappos mainstage theatre space. This being a new offering for Zappos and their team, we were struck by Tony’s team’s enthusiasm to collaborate and create the best possible experience for us and our attendees.

I knew Tony Hsieh as a friend and an extraordinary, quirky creator. Though we only spent a handfuls of hours together over several years, I was a very real recipient of his impact and legacy.

I will never forget arriving at Ferguson’s, where Tony was putting up the Responsive Conference team, and being offered Fernet. Or coming ‘home’ to my airstream at Ferguson’s from a very full day on stage at Zappos to find Tony sitting in the hot tub amidst a raging party. Tony asked if I was enjoying the party, if I would like to join them in the hot tub, or if I wanted a drink or some food. Having just given a keynote, and amidst the party going on around him, his desire for me to feel welcome and included in his home and community was palpable.

Responsive Conference 2019 culminated in this fireside chat on stage.

Some people have an outsized impact. Tony, for his curiosity, odd brilliance, and willingness to bet on people and new ways of working, was one.

RIP Tony Hsieh. Thank you.

Jude Gomila: Golden and Mapping Human Knowledge

Welcome back to the Robin Zander Show!

For today’s episode, I sat down with Jude Gomila to talk about his journey as an entrepreneur and his start-up Golden.

I first met Jude, and learned about Golden, when Zander Media was hired to create an explainer video about the company. We had 10 days to get up to speed on this company, craft a script, and put together this short video:

I was really looking forward to a more leisurely interview with Jude, but this conversation dramatically exceeded my expectations.

Jude is a quirky, charismatic leader, who has invested in over 200 startups and is out to build the world’s first self-constructing knowledge database. Learn more about Golden at golden.com.

Jude is a fellow circus performer and a polymath with interests ranging from robotics, space, and the learning process. He, and his company Golden, are on a quest to map all of human knowledge.

I hope you enjoy this interview!

Achieving Radical Alignment with Alex Jamieson & Bob Gower

Welcome back to another episode of the Robin Zander Show!

My guests today are Alex Jamieson and Bob Gower, co-authors of the new book, Radical Alignment. This book is designed to help people achieve more joy and less drama – at work and in daily life.

Bob Gower is an organizational design consultant. He supported my curation leading up to the first Responsive Conference, where he gave a talk on “How Not To Join a Cult.”

Alex Jamieson was the co-producer and co-star of the academy award nominated documentary, Super Size Me. She is a leadership coach, radio show host, and nutrition consultant.

Together, Bob and Alex gave a talk at Responsive Conference 2018 on “Getting to Hell Yes.”

In their new book, Radical Alignment, they teach a simple process for individuals and teams to establish clear boundaries with less drama and more joy.

I hope you enjoy this conversation!

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